she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
