The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
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Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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