I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
