my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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