dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
