Already got asked if we're dating
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
