we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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