I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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