Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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