whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
