So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
50% drunk capacity currently
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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