I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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