i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
