glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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