i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
