nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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