Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
