Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize