apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
