i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
