I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
