Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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