i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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