Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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