i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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