All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
