Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
