I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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