elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
