Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
