I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
