At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
