i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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