I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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