Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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