I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
