hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
