Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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