if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
