My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
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I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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