Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
