No stitches, just platelets and will power
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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