My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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