She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We are two peas in an std pod
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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