Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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