I smell stomach acid.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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