Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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