were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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