Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
