The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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