I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
