you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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