He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I wear drunk well.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
