The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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