its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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