it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
we should paint friendship bongs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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