Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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