he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
