After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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