He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
