Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
