Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
