We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
