so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im six kinds of drunk right now
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Less talking, more tequila
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
