how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
