haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
