I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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