I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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