I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
