What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
