a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
