I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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