she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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